So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
