i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
