I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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