My underwear smells like fireworks.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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