I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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