Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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