i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
