apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
