I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
