She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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