I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
