I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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