if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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