you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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