Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
