Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
