I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
