when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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