Don't you send me to vm
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
