as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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