its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
