You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
