We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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