After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
