Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
