the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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