Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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