Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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