You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
