he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
