a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he thought i was a dude.
My pussy is not your playground.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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