I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
