what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
