Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
