i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
