i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
then he tried to convert me to islam
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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