Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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