I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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