at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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