yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
