she was so not down for the gang bang
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
