Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
