Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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