i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
