omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
