i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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