so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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