So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
