I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
