Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
